


just a horrible idea, really.

by unseeliekey



Series: do not get blackout drunk [1]
Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: (back on my shit), Alternate Universe - College/University, Drunken Shenanigans, F/F, Hangover, M/M, Mutual Pining, Roommates, Tattoos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:53:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23556361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unseeliekey/pseuds/unseeliekey
Summary: “Okay,” Shuichi says after a moment, his voice much more hushed. “Kaede, I…. I think I got a tattoo last night.”She blinks, and can’t hold back the laugh from escaping. Shuichi just sounded so miserable. “Sorry! Sorry, just- where is it? What is it of? I can’t believe this, Shuichi, you degenerate. Are you going to join the yakuza next?” Where did he even get it done? She can’t think of any nearby places that would offer tattoos, and even then, she thinks they probably aren’t allowed to give them to drunk people, right?“It’s of Kokichi’s name.”Kaede goes very quiet. She can hear Shuichi breathing into his phone. “Shuichi, no.”
Relationships: Akamatsu Kaede/Iruma Miu, Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Series: do not get blackout drunk [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1898803
Comments: 41
Kudos: 512





	just a horrible idea, really.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sure everyone knows this already, but tattoos still hold a whole lot of stigma in some parts of japan. getting one drunk would be an incredibly stupid decision- not that it isnt already.

_ Ugh. _

That was the first thing she thought upon waking. _Ugh._

Kaede rolled over and blinked blearily- she would have happily curled up for another few hours, but she could feel someone else in the room and the social pressure got the better of her. Quickly, she sat up, trying to fix her hair and wipe at her makeup- but it was just Miu, draped against their couch and snoring.    
Kaede groaned and lowered her head again. Ugh, ugh, ugh. She felt hungover- the headache wasn’t that bad, but she felt sick and greasy and unclean. Flashes of last night rushed through her head, and she’d known she would regret it the moment her roommate asked to throw a party, had looked at her with those pretty blue eyes and that eager flush and she’d thought  _ fuck I’m gay  _ and given in.

Miu still looks pretty even passed out and drunk, she thinks, staring half-lidded over at the girl on the floor. Kaede is also on the floor, so she really shouldn’t judge. Are there still people in their flat? Slowly, she lifts herself up and stumbles to the kitchen. No one but a giant mess she is not looking forward to cleaning. No one in the bathroom, either. She takes a moment to brush her teeth, almost pukes, and then washes her face. She feels too gross to reapply makeup, so she just lets her hair out and brushes it, and hopes she looks cute in a sleepy kind of way. It’s doubtful, but Miu probably won’t judge. Hopefully. 

The bedrooms are empty, too, thank god. She’d kind of expected the worst. Sixteen people in their apartment last night, dear god. They are NEVER doing this again. 

She throws a blanket over Miu and tips her head sideways so her neck doesn’t cramp, and bites her lip. Damn, she’s cute, even with her hair all tangled and drool on her chin. Kaede kisses her forehead in a totally platonic manner, and then heads back to her own bedroom to sleep until noon, hopefully. At least they don’t have classes today. 

She hits her bed, closes her eyes, and is really just sinking into the feeling of sleep, letting her limbs stretch out, when her phone rings.

“ The same breath... The same rhythm...

The same breath... The same rhythm…” it sings, and even if the ringtone was a joke she kind of does love the song, so she lets it play, even though the pulsing, sugar-sweet beat isn’t great for her headache. The melody kicks in, and she continues to listen, for a moment forgetting what it means. Then she scrambles upright, grabbing the phone and accepting the call.

“Shuichi?” Her voice sticks in her throat and she cringes at the sound of it, taking a moment to clear it up. “What’s up? It’s….” A glance at the phone. “11.30, oh god. I didn’t expect you to be up yet?” Sure, it’s late, but if her blurry memory can account for anything, Shuichi drank A LOT last night. She distinctly remembers the mild-mannered detective getting into a drinking competition with Ryoma, slamming back bourbon in a truly worrying manner. It probably had something to do with Ouma, egging him on in a ridiculously tight pair of leather shorts.

“Ah. Yeah. Um.” Shuichi sounds frazzled, and she bites back a smile at it. “I’ve actually been calling for a while.”

“You have?” She sets it on speaker, then goes to scroll through her phone, wincing. He’s called at least twelve times in the last quarter hour. “Sorry, my phone was in my room! What happened?”

“Ha, I’m sure.” She can hear him clear his throat. “Um.”

“You good?”

“Yeah, I just think I’m  _ still _ drunk… Kaede, I did- do you remember what I did last night?”

“Uh.” She takes a moment to think about it. The drinking competition, the jackbox games, the unfortunate round of karaoke that he’d kind of killed it at, then a big blank period where she’d been, um, distracted by Miu’s dancing. “What do you mean? When?”

“When did I go home?”

Kaede winces, a flush covering her face as she remembers abandoning her friend to go dance on the couch. Oh god, she really hopes no one took pictures. “Um, I’m not sure? I lost you after a bit….” She trails off, covering it with a giggle. Shuichi can never stay mad at her, so she just has to hope her own guilt doesn’t kill her. “Sorry?”

“No, it’s okay. I just, um. Ah. I kind of blacked out last night?”

“Shit, really?” She sits up, rather abruptly, hair bouncing. Shuichi doesn’t black out- at least, not for a whole night. He usually remembers pretty much everything the next day, no matter how drunk he was. Then again, she’d never seen him drink like he had last night. “What happened? Are you safe?”

“Yeah. Ah. Maybe?” She hears him cough. “I’m at home, don’t worry. But.”

“What?” She’s waiting on bated breath as she hears him move somewhere- the sound of a lock clicking, a door scraping… is that his bathroom door?

“Okay,” Shuichi says after a moment, his voice much more hushed. “Kaede, I…. I think I got a tattoo last night.”

She blinks, and can’t hold back the laugh from escaping. Shuichi just sounded so  _ miserable. _ “Sorry! Sorry, just- where is it? What is it of? I can’t believe this, Shuichi, you degenerate. Are you going to join the yakuza next?” Where did he even get it done? She can’t think of any nearby places that would offer tattoos, and even then, she thinks they probably aren’t allowed to give them to drunk people, right?

“It’s of Kokichi’s name.”

Kaede goes very quiet. She can hear Shuichi breathing into his phone. “Shuichi, no.”

“I know.”

“H-how-”

“I don’t know!” His voice raises in panic, then very quickly drops back to a whisper. “He’s out there right now.”

“You got your roommate’s name-”

“Kaede, please.”

“Where are you??”   
“I’m hiding in the bathroom. He’s still passed out on the couch, and I can’t remember what happened. What if he knows?”

“What if he has one of yours?” She offers, and she can’t even laugh at the choked-off sound he makes. This is a monumental disaster, and it’s at least partially her fault. She’s his best friend- best friends are meant to stop best friends from getting tattoos of their crush/roommate’s names.   
(For a horrible, heart-twisting moment, she imagines that it was her discovering a tattoo of Miu’s name. The gravity of the situation kicks in, and as Shuichi speaks up again, she quietly tries to check her own body, heart pounding.)

“Kaede, it’s on my- on my chest, above my- above my heart, Kaede, he’s going to see it, he’s absolutely going to see it, it’s  _ Kokichi,  _ he’ll take one look at me and know I’m hiding something. I can never go swimming again. Or to a sauna. Or out, actually. If someone spills something on my shirt I’ll just have to keep it on forever. And I can’t wear white in case it shows through-”

“You never wear white anyway,” she says as soothingly as possible, as if she isn’t currently twisting in front of her mirror to make completely certain there’s no mysterious marking on her body.

“That’s not the point! He’ll  _ know. _ ”

Kaede considers this. It’s a fair point. Ouma also drank a lot last night (not quite as much as her poor detective, but enough that he got unnervingly clingy and started making increasingly more insistent suggestions about tagging the anti-abortion sign downtown, and everyone knew that when Ouma started getting pushy about crime or politics, it was time to put him to bed. But he’s still Ouma. And Shuichi was a terrible liar when he was nervous about something.

Kaede looks back down at her bed, with her soft duck-feather pillows and her stuffed animals and her covers. She looks over at her mirror, and her exhausted face and last night’s clothes. She sighs.

“Okay, give me like…. Twenty minutes to get dressed and I’ll be over. Only because I love you.”  _ And because I feel bad about not keeping an eye on you. _

“Thank you, Kaede! You’re a lifesaver, I swear.” Shuichi’s relief is evident. 

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” She combs her fingers through her hair and stands up, crossing over to her dresser. “Now go take a really long bath so you’ve an excuse to avoid him if he wakes up. I’ll text when I’m there.”

“Okay.”

“Love you, Shuichi!”

She hangs up after blowing a kiss, and immediately flips into gear. The skirt and shirt get discarded for a pair of comfy but flattering jeans and a cute bunny sweater. It’s a cozy outfit, and she adds a necklace and cute boots so it doesn’t look too obviously like she’s recovering from a hangover. The hair stays down, and she doesn’t use foundation because her face still doesn’t feel real, but she adds some concealer and blush, outlines her eyes and grabs a pink lipgloss. 

After clipping in some hairclips, she darts out of her room and heads to the door. Miu, slowly stirring, blinks up at her.

“Kaede?” She asks, her voice all muddled with sleep, and Kaede has a sudden strong urge to stay behind and look after her. 

Unfortunately, Shuichi is her best friend and his crisis is her crisis, and all. “Sorry, Miu, I’ve got to go save Shuichi’s butt. Why don’t you go get in my bed? I just turned the electric blanket off, but it should still be warm.”

“Mm, thanks.” Miu stumbles to her feet and sways. Kaede rushes back to help her up and, with an apologetic thought to Shuichi, helps her roommate to her bed. These are not really the circumstances she’d pictured doing this in. “You look cute,” Miu slurs, as Kaede tucks her in. “I like the sweater.”

“Thanks! You look soooo nice for someone who just woke up from a huge bender.”

Miu flips her off, then turns over and pulls up the covers. “Hurry back,” she mumbles, snuggling into Kaede’s pink blankets.

The sacrifices I make, Kaede thinks, as she turns away from the enticing sight and leaves the flat.

\--

Shuichi and Ouma’s flat looms above her. It’s truly a cursed place, and it’s not even entirely Ouma’s fault- Shuichi somehow thinks it’s acceptable to leave photos of murder scenes lying around, and the amount of ash and coffee rings are genuinely concerning.    
She lets herself in with her spare key, tiptoes over a pile of probably extremely gruesome files, narrowly avoids a bucket of glitter suspended above their kitchen door, and heads to Shuichi’s bedroom. “Shuichi? It’s me.”

The door cracks open and she can’t quite hide the concern on her face. Shuichi looks, well- awful. Kind of like he gets when he’s in the middle of a major case and hasn’t slept in three days and has convinced himself everyone hates him (while fucking Ouma delivers him coffee and tarts like he’s royalty.) “Hey, Kaede,” he rasps. “Come in.”

“Actually, I’ve changed my mind,” she says. “We’re going to the kitchen and I’m making you a drink.”

“Mmmmcoffee,” he mumbles, his eyes slipping shut for a moment. 

“Water.” And with that, hungover Kaede hauls her even more hungover friend to his own kitchen, sits him down and starts making him breakfast. Shuichi slumps over the counter like a puppet with his strings cut and complains about not having his daily intake of caffeine, but makes no move to make it himself. He’s a huge baby and he is lucky Kaede loves him so much.   
At least he’s bathed, she thinks wryly, sliding him a glass of apple juice (probably Ouma’s, but he can take it up with her) and turning on the stove. 

“It’s so bad,” Shuichi tells her. “I’m going to have to move to….. England.”

“You’re not Sherlock Holmes, sweetheart,” she tells him, cracking an egg in the pan. The smell makes her hungry, and she has to take a moment and close her eyes so she doesn’t start drooling- or curl up and cry. She feels so gross. “It’s not that bad, I’m sure.”

When she turns around to grab another egg (for herself, because she deserves it) she finds Shuichi sitting up, lifting his shirt over his head. 

“Oh my god.”

The tattoo is in the bubbliest, curliest kanji she’s ever seen, printed right over his heart, a little crown next to it. It is incredibly cheesy. It’s awful, actually. Kaede thinks that some tattoos can look kinda classy, though she’d never get one, but this- this is embarrassing to even look at. It’s so bad, it’s not even funny. Kokichi, in swirly, pretty figures, then a cartoon crown. 

Shuichi lowers his shirt slowly, levelling her with a stare that could depress the happiest person in the world. “It’s bad.”

“W-well, it’s not good, sure, but…”

He moans, dropping his head against the counter again.

“Who… I can’t believe someone could do that to someone else. Like, ethically. Do you remember where you got it done?” He shakes his head, making a soft whine. “God. Okay. Well, they should be arrested, honestly.”

“Then I would have to choose to prosecute and I’d have to show other people,” Shuichi says. “I hope I never see them again.”

Kaede remembers the egg and scurries back, hastily flipping it over. It’s a bit burnt, but she doesn’t think Shuichi will notice at this point. “Well, look on the bright side. It’s pretty hidden, right? So, sure, you can’t go to hot springs anymore, but it won’t affect your job chances or anything, right? And it’s not like you take your shirt off a whole lot.”

“What if I go to the hospital after I get shot by a criminal and they think I’m part of the yakuza?” Shuichi moans. Kaede pops some bread in the pan with the egg, and pulls out a tub of butter and some tomatoes. She glances over her shoulder, wincing.

“Um, I don’t know if anyone’s going to think you’re in the yakuza with that, but they might think….”

“I’m a gay idiot who got his crush’s name tattooed on his actual body?”

“Well, I wasn’t going to say that as such, but…” She turns the heat down and points at him with the spatula. “Look, you can get it removed, right? So you just need to hide it until then.”

Shuichi sighs heavily. “It’d cost so much and I’d definitely have to wait for a while at least… and there’s no way I can-” He cuts off suddenly.

“What? Ouma? I’ll help, it’ll be fine. And you know he always backs off when something’s really-” Then she hears it too, the sound of someone stumbling through the flat.    
The two of them go very, very quiet, as they listen as Ouma staggers to the bathroom. The sound of retching starts, which makes them both wince, and then the shower turns on.    
And then there’s a loud crashing sound.

Shuichi’s already standing up, tripping over his own feet. “Kokichi? Are you alright?”

The lilting sounds of Ouma’s unpleasant, nasally voice drift through the apartment. Kaede’s already got a headache. “Just fiiiiine, Shumai! Still a little drunk is all. You just sit pretty out there, okay?”

“Are- are you sure?” Apparently, this is all it takes for Shuichi to forget his fear, because he’s already heading over to the bathroom before Kaede yanks him back.

“If you wanna see me naked, Shuichi, you’re going to have to try harder than that!” Ouma yells. 

And, immediately, Shuichi wilts and sinks against the counter. Kaede pats his shoulder comfortingly. 

“It’s okay,” she says. “You’ll see him naked one day, Shuichi.”

That joke is worth the resulting yelp and defensive stuttering as she finishes up breakfast. Shuichi keeps pouting until she slides over a cup of coffee with the food, and that’s all it takes for him to forgive her- although he still seems cranky until the caffeine hits.

\--

Miu wakes up, feeling significantly better than the last time she did. She stretches her arms out, blinks gooey mascara out of her eyes, then curls up again, enjoying the comfort of the bed she’s curled up in. Then she blinks again. This is Kaede’s bed. She knows, because her own bed still has a giant inflatable penguin in it. Also, because it smells like Kaede (not in a weird way, just like… her perfume and her strawberry lotion). Also, because now that Miu’s properly awake, she remembers being taken here.   
She groans quietly and presses her face a little further into the mattress. If she leaves any makeup stains, she’ll clean them up, probably. Kaede is so nice. And pretty. And Miu makes a fool of herself every time they speak- which is a lot, considering they live together. She remembers last night, dancing with her, slamming shots, singing duets while the other girls cheered them on. She sits up, curls her fingers around the pillow, tries not to think about how Kaede had tucked her in. 

Her headache is fading just a bit when it comes back, full force, as her phone rings. It’s playing some dreadful circus music that she immediately recognizes, and she groans. Maybe she can just ignore it. She’s hungover. She’s tired. She’s in Kaede’s bed, and would like to take a little more time just to enjoy that-   
The ringtone increases in volume the longer she ignores it. Gritting her teeth, she yanks the phone out of her bra.

“Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey-”

“I’ve already picked up, so could you shut the fuck up already?” She snaps, closing her eyes and curling her fingers up in the pillow. It’s too early for this. What time is it, actually? Whatever it is, it’s too early for this.

“Just making sure,” Kokichi says, in his far too sweet, too innocent voice. “Why’d you sound so angry, Miu? Did it bother you? Does your head hurt?”

“Fuck off.”

Kokichi’s laugh rattles down the phone and Miu winces, holding it away. It’s so grating. She has no idea why she puts up with him, really. “I saw Akamatsu-chan today, you know? She was being all cute with Shuichi. You think maybe they’re lying and there’s something between them? Because I gotta say, they were really-”

“They’re just friends.” Miu bites back the irrational wave of fear and frustration, because it’s obvious that those two are too close to think of each other as anything other than BFFs. She twists her fingers in the blanket. “Hey, besides, wouldn’t you be upset about that, anyway?”

“Huh? Huh? Upset, me? Over what? Akamatsu? Ew, gross. I don’t swing that way, and even if I did, Bakamatsu is waaaaaay too boring for me. She’s so-”

“Don’t talk about her like that,” Miu growls. She doesn’t normally interrupt him this much, but goddamn does her head hurt. “And you know who I’m talking about. Shy-hara. Emo hat boy. Detective gay.”

“Mm, I don’t know what you mean. Who’s Shyhara?”

“I’m about three seconds away from hanging up, so…”

“Wait.” Kokichi’s voice loses its cheerful quality for a moment, and it’s so surprising that Miu actually sits up. “Don’t.”

“Are you dying or something?” Miu’s never heard him sound like this before, except maybe the one time he got a concussion and was convinced she hated him. 

“I wish.”

“Oh my god, Kokichi, tell me what’s going on or I’ll lose my mind-”

“I got a tattoo.”

There’s a pause. Miu almost falls back into the bed again. “Okay, and…? I thought you wanted one?” She’d suspected it was all horseshit, him talking a big game about how he wanted to get super inked up, how he wanted the mona lisa on his ass and all that shit, but she didn’t expect him to sound so…. worried about it. “Did you get gang signs, or something? Tell me you didn’t get drunk and join the yakuza.”

“It’s Shuichi’s name.”

They are both silent. She can hear him breathing down the phone. “You’re joking.”

“Do I sound like I’m joking, bitch?” He teases her like this all the time, laughing and fake-angry all at once, but right now she can recognize a not of nervousness behind it, just a little shaking in his words. 

“Holy shit.” Miu plants a hand on the bed to keep herself steady. “Where is it?”

He mumbles something that she can’t make out and immediately her mind goes to  _ tramp stamp.  _

“Wait, did you actually-”

“Get your mind out of the gutter!” He snaps at her. “It’s on my chest!”

Miu is a little disappointed, but she’s got enough self-preservation to know that saying that might earn her a scorpion in her boots. “So like…” she thinks about it. “Over your heart?”

His silence is all the answer she needs. “Holy shit,” she says again. “You are so fucked.”

“You’re meant to be supporting me!” Kokichi screeches, so loud that she has to hold the phone away from her ear. “It’s the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen, Miu, you have got to get this thing off me.”

“What do you expect me to do?” She snaps. “I’m not a tattoo-removal person!”

“I don’t know! Invent something! You use lasers to get rid of tattoos, right? Use a laser on me!”

“I- okay, maybe I could do that.” Miu swipes a heavy chunk of hair out of her face, combing it back until her fingers snag in the tangles. “But it’ll take me a while to sort it out, and to get the necessary equipment- I’ll need to grab some from the school, probably…”

“I don’t care!” Kokichi’s voice raises in a slightly hysterical way. “I just need this gone before Shuichi sees it.”

Miu sighs, standing up from the bed (reluctantly) and doing her best to fix the blankets one-handed. “Calm your tits, twink. Is Kaede still with him?”

There’s a rustling sound, then a creaking door, and then Kokichi’s voice returns. “Yeah. They’re having breakfast. Or lunch. Hungover brunch.”

“Alright, come over here.” She heads out of the room, wincing at the state of the rest of their apartment. “You can help me clean up and I’ll see what I can do about your little problem.”

There’s a long pause, followed by some more rustling. Then Kokichi sighs. “Yeah, whatever. If you’re so desperate to see me. I guess I’ve got nothing better to do.”

Miu smirks to herself. “I don’t  _ have _ to help…”

“Fuck you, whore. See if I bring you any fries when I come over.”

She almost moans. “Oh, god, please do.”

Kokichi hmphs. “That’s what I thought. See you soon, slut.”

“See you, cuck.” Before she can hang up, Kokichi speaks up again.

“Oh, right! Kaede said you were super hot last night. She told me explicitly not to tell you that, though. Whoops! Anyway, try not to drool on her pillow too much.” 

He hangs up before Miu can form a response to that. She’s standing outside Kaede’s bedroom, her makeup all messed up, her heart pounding in her chest. 

“Fuck you,” she says to no one, shoving her phone back down her shirt.

\--

Somewhere, a drunk Angie wakes up and heads to her kitchen to make a cup of tea. The parties on her island could get pretty wild, but nobody drinks like college students. She turns on her kettle and then looks over to her kitchen table.

“Huh,” she says, frowning. “Did Atua set out my tattooing ink for me?”

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is just a silly little oneshot i wrote to put something out today. I'll be updating the werewolf fic tonight/tomorrow (idk timezones)- I'm sorry I didn't yesterday!!! I had to cram for online drama class and i also.... began two other fics.  
> speaking of, i have too many ideas and im bad at prioritizing, so i was wondering if anyone had any preference- after i finish the werewolf au (which i may extend as well hhhhh) i want to start a longer fic, (though i'll probably keep posting various oneshots while i work on it) but i can't decide! currently I've got the first chapter for both a post-game, kinda serious fic, and another first chapter for a talent shuffle au. AND I CANT DECIDE. both would be super slow burn and a bit dark, but should still have light hearted moments. hdbsjksjjdhs im so indecisive sorry. please let me know if you have opinions either way! i'll probably eventually post both, but i just dont know which one to start first. I am writing!!!! i just dont want to post something that i can't comit to, and i'd rather focus on like, one long fic and a few other lighthearted ones rather than two major ones.


End file.
